DAY32: Another Day Another Mustache

I had a dream last night that I had the sweetest mustache ever seen on a human males upper lip. When I woke up I ran to the mirror as fast as I could and found the most shocking thing I had ever encountered in my life... It wasn't a dream at all, I do have the sweetest stache in the Upper Midwest.

My mustache wants me to quit my job and roam the great plains lumber jacking and spreading the word of the stache. Silly mustache, you don't lumberjack when you've got the sweetest stache in the world, you usually become the Prime Minister of Canada first.

Day 31: yes I know I said 28 a-hole

A wise man once told me that the mustache was the path to enlightenment, and now that it's on a t-shirt, I know it's true.

For some reason I'm reminded of that song that goes:

"If you see me walking down the street, and I start to cry,

it's probably because something horribly wrong has happened to mustache" at least I think that's how it goes.

If not, it should.

Day 29

And on the twenty-ninth day the mustache rested, for mustache had done all it could. Joy, laughter, crying children, free donuts; these are just a few of the things that come with mustache. It's been a long hard twenty-eight old friend.

Mustache wasn't feeling well this weekend, so I took him in to the mustache doctor. The doctor gave me some horrifying news, he told me that mustache wasn't doing to well and he gave him a week to live. "NOOOOOOOOOO!" I screamed to the heavens(whilst pulling on mustache). Not yet, not until mustache monday you filthy animal. It's a sad, sad situation to see a mustache so young, so verile, to be cut down in the prime of his life.

Day 24: Another Tour of Duty

Oh that crazy look in my eye, don't worry about that... just don't look at me directly in the mustache or talk using your mouth.
I know what you're asking yourself, and the answer is yes, this is the most patriotic mustache in the universe. You can tell by all of the multi-colored hairs that may appear to the untrained eye like a bunch of fireworks coming out of my nose.
The answer to your second question is no, my mustache is not available for bar mitzvahs. Not because my mustache is a racist Jew hater, but because I think those sneaky Kikes will try to steal my mustache.

Day 23: WWMD

My mustache is trying to get all buff for swimsuit season. The other day I caught mustache flexing in the mirror trying to suck in his gut. Nice try mustache, but you're not looking like Ken Patera just yet, the singlet looks pretty sweet though.

I decided to part my mustache right down the middle, just like the Red Sea. If it was good enough for Moses, then I'm pretty sure I should do it. I should probably come up with a list of ten or so mustache commandments now. The first being, If you don't have a mustache, you can go straight to hell.

Day 19: Correction

Mustache must have been hopped up on bennies and zippers the other day, either that or my mustache has down syndrome.

Mean Gene Okerlund's last name isn't Simmons, mustache was confused. I think he had been huffing gold paint and drinking robutussin maximum strength cough and cold most of the morning, mustache that is, not Mean Gene. Although I did hear that Mean Gene has a pretty wicked sex addiction and is rumored to be sharing a bunk bed with Tiger Woods.

One of these days you'll be gone old friend, until then let's party with our pants off.

Day 17: You're mustache is crooked

Mean Gene Simmons had a crooked mustache, I know this because Randy Macho Man Savage told him he had a crooked mustache. Now my mustache isn't on steroids...yet, but it does like to wrestle. As a matter of fact mustache is thinking about giving you a flying elbow right now.
The cheers of the crowd, the scent of stale beer mixed with Drakkar Noir and fear, all that as mustache is led to the ring by an orange hooker with daffy duck lips. Wow, how glorious would mustache look sweating in a pair of men's underoos?
Alas, mustache can't wrestle, actually mustache isn't allowed within 100 feet of any major sporting event, or elementary school for that matter.