PUT THAT COFFEE DOWN! Coffee is for mustaches only.I know what you must be asking yourself, and the answer is yes, my mustache does tickle, but it is fully trained in shiatsu massage.
I was walking down the street yesterday and a group of elderly nuns were staring at my mustache. All of a sudden they began to weep at the sheer beauty that is mustache. One of them managed the courage to look directly upon the mustache and while she did she asked: " Who do you think you are with that mustache on your face?" Before I could say anything my mustache screamed: "F**K YOU! That's who I am, now go in the kitchen and fix me a turkey pot pie."
Wow, my mustache is a badass.
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